Secret Santa
by thequeenregina
Summary: What happens when Regina Mills receives a rather unusual Secret Santa gift? Written for OQAdvent.


Regina hates Christmas.

She hates eggnog and cannot stand mince pies. She hates the snow, and the way it slips under her Louboutins. She hates the blinding lights that her neighbours insist on hanging outside their house, which keep her awake until 3am. She hates how 'merry' everyone is at work and how they insist on doing a Secret Santa every year, and putting up that godawful 20ft Christmas tree in the foyer.

But, most of all, she hates spending it alone. Though, she supposes it's better than going back to Maine to spend it with her family. Oh yes, she would most certainly take Christmas alone over spending it with them.

Today is the 20th of December, her last day at work before she, and the rest of the company, takes her holiday leave for Christmas. Mr Gold, her boss, has arranged a buffet lunch for all of the colleagues today and an office party later tonight. Regina doesn't _want_ to go to _either_ , but she will have to endure the lunch whether she likes it or not, since that's where they are presenting the Secret Santa gifts to one another.

At the start of the month, they were asked to pick names out of the Christmas hat at reception when they clocked in to work that morning. Regina had drawn Graham. Of course she had, out of the sixty employees in the office she had to draw the man she had a fling with when she first started working here two years ago. And now it's terribly awkward between the two of them, especially since he started dating Emma. But Mr Gold wouldn't let her redraw, so she was stuck with the asshole.

She had half a mind to get him something embarrassing, something that would have him blushing in front of the entire office when he unwrapped it, because she's mean like that. She rather revels in others' discomfort from time to time, especially when they have done her wrong. Like Graham 'I-can't-keep-it-in-my-pants' Humbert.

However, on her way to pick something up for him, she had bypassed the sex shop (though she was tempted, _really_ tempted to buy him the Santa hat willy warmer that was on the model in the window) and dipped into the store next door. There, she had picked up a generic tie pin and matching cufflinks. It was just within the $20 limit and she knew he would most probably like it. And as much as she did want to screw the cheating bastard over, she didn't really want it being too obvious that she was his Secret Santa; she would rather avoid conversation with the fool than make him squirm with embarrassment in front of everyone for a few minutes. Though, the two options are very satisfying if she could have them both.

Although, on second thought, she's not so sure Graham's dick would be big enough to fit the willy warmer.

As the clock flicks over to 1pm, Regina makes her way to the main boardroom for lunch and slides Graham's gift into the sack that is positioned just inside the door. She wonders idly who has her, knows that a good twenty or so employees would probably give her shit in a box if they could get away with it. She just hopes it's something not utterly useless or tacky—though she won't hold her breath.

She spots Mal a few seats down the table and she takes her seat next to her. Mal is her only friend in the office, and is already pouring them both a glass of mulled wine. "Hey," the older woman greets, "Let's get this over with." She clinks her glass with Regina's before taking a sip.

That's why they get on so well. They both fucking hate their job, or, well, the people they work with, and they are rather feared by their colleagues. Especially when together.

Though, Regina never used to be this cold. Despite how strict her mother was and how shrill and annoying her sister was (and still is), she had a happy childhood. Her father had always had a soft spot for his youngest daughter. He took Regina riding on the weekends, just him and her. That was where she had met her first boyfriend.

Daniel made Regina feel as if she was walking amongst the clouds, that nothing mattered outside of their relationship and their love for one another. She could see herself marrying him (she was young and in love, realises how ridiculous that sounds now) but when her mother had found out that Regina had spent the night at his house one time after she turned 18, Regina's whole world came crashing down.

No more riding lessons. No more seeing Daniel.

Cora earned her money through property, and with her and Regina's father's savings she bought a few places locally and rented them out. Turns out her mother had owned the house Daniel's parents were living in, and she had them evicted for 'property damage' and move elsewhere. She never saw him again after that day and she vowed to herself that she would _never_ let herself love again. It wasn't worth the pain.

"Yes, let's," Regina murmurs, sipping on her drink and scanning the area. Belle is sitting opposite her, conversing with one of the new employees who joined the team this year—Robin, Regina recalls is his name.

He works a few floors below her, in marketing, she believes, but she has never really spoken to him. Though, that doesn't mean she hasn't noticed him, because she has. Has noticed his captivating blue eyes and enchanting smile with dimples that could dig their way to China. Yes, Regina would say he's rather pleasant on the eyes but seems far too... vanilla for her liking. She feels like he's the kind of man who cries when Bambi dies. Regina rolls her eyes at the very thought and cannot help but smirk to herself as she diverts her attention from the handsome man opposite her.

"Who did you get?" Regina asks Mal quietly, nodding towards the sack of presents by the door.

Mal shifts closer to her and murmurs behind her wine glass, "You'll know by her reaction when she opens it." She snickers and Regina raises a brow, intrigued—perhaps she has her.

The last few employees filter in and Gold stands at the head of the table, tapping his wine glass gently with his spoon. "Before we begin to eat I'd just like to say a few words about the last year."

Regina sighs, sitting back in her chair. She just about resists the urge to roll her eyes to the high heavens as she murmurs her disapproval through her wine glass before taking another sip. She switches off as Gold drones on monotonically. She glares at the tinsel that is hung around the ceilings of the room between tacky faux holly wreaths and flashing fairy lights, before her eyes drop to find a pair of blue eyes staring at her. She frowns, raising a brow when she catches him, and Robin seems a little nervous, an expression that heightens when he notices she's staring right back at him and he almost immediately diverts his gaze back to Gold.

 _Definitely vanilla_.

But she can't quite bring herself to look away yet as she feels a small smirk grace her lips. He's an odd man—not peculiar odd, but odd in the fact that Regina cannot quite figure him out. Or figure out the way she _feels_ about him. She can't read him like she can everyone else in the office. He keeps himself to himself, much like her, though he's perhaps a little more discreet than her.

Her eyes flicker over his designer stubble, then flick to his lips as he smiles, is laughing at one of Gold's jokes. His tongue peeks out, wets his lower lip before he's trapping the muscle between his teeth. It shouldn't be as attractive as it is, but Regina can't help but notice (and not for the first time) how utterly gorgeous this man is. Perhaps he is the type she'd like to bed… though, she can't _really_ say considering she has never conversed with the man properly; only work related stuff. She won't give herself to another mindless moron like Graham because, yes, it may just be sex, but (speaking from experience) sex is never good with an unintelligent man. Not _everything_ is about penetration for God's sake.

Maybe it's time to get to know this Robin Locksley.

The speech isn't long, fortunately, and Regina's wondering gaze goes unnoticed by the man to whom it's directed at by the time she has returned it to the food in front of her. They all dig into the buffet at Gold's cue. None of it is relatively healthy, and none of it is really to Regina's taste, but she takes a few slices of cold meat and a helping of salad leaves onto her plate and refills her glass with mulled wine.

"Pretty boy keeps looking at you," Mal suddenly whispers, and when Regina looks up from her makeshift salad she is yet again met with a timid pair of sapphire eyes. Perhaps she isn't the only one curious to get to know the other. He holds her gaze a little longer this time, offering a small nervous smile before his attention is stolen by the woman beside him.

Regina scoffs, "He looks at me as if he fears I'm about to swallow him whole."

"I wouldn't put it past you." Mal chuckles. "He probably knows by now that you're one of the most feared in the office."

Regina shrugs a single shoulder, piercing an olive with her fork before popping it behind her lips and into her cheek as she replies, "Good. Can't have people thinking I've gone soft now. My reputation serves me well. I'd rather keep it that way."

Mal nods. "Perhaps he's your Secret Santa."

"Perhaps he is. I'll find out soon enough, I suppose."

The serving plates that line the centre of the table soon become scarce with food and people finish off picking at the snacks that remain, sitting back in their seats and chatting merrily to their co-workers. Then Gold announces it's time to give out the gifts from the Secret Santa, and everyone's attention is automatically on him.

Regina eyes Graham a few seats down from her, Emma tucked into his side. Seeing them so cosy is _really_ making her regret her choice in presents. She should have bought that bloody willy warmer.

The gifts are announced label by label and everyone is going up one by one to collect it. However, soon Gold comes to the end of the sack with only one present left and two people left to give to. Her and Mal. Regina frowns confusedly, as does her boss and her co-worker beside her, before he is reading out Mal's name and she slowly stands from her seat to retrieve her gift.

Now, usually this wouldn't bother Regina, being the odd one out, but she is rather furious that someone would be so spiteful as to purposefully not buy her a gift. She can feel everyone's eyes on her and God, she's so embarrassed. Whoever had her obviously wanted to humiliate her, and it's working, but she won't let them see that. She laughs, a low chuckle, as she slumps back in her chair. "Seems like Santa doesn't think I've been good enough this year," she drawls sarcastically, and there's an awkward silence that follows before everyone around her lets out a staccato of small uncomfortable laughs.

Then the situation is soon forgotten as everyone pays attention to their own gifts, and Regina feels as if she can breathe again. She likes being the centre of attention, but for all the right reasons, not this. And she will find out who was her Secret Santa and make their day a living hell for the rest of their time here at the company after humiliating her like this.

Has she mentioned she fucking hates Christmas?

Suddenly, Regina's angry thoughts are interrupted when there's a gasp across the table and Mal nudges her gently. The brunette connects the noise to Mary Margaret who is blushing from head to toe and she tries desperately to stuff her sexy Santa lingerie back into her gift bag.

Regina chuckles lowly along with her friend as Mal whispers, "My Secret Santa."

"Oh, you're wicked," the brunette murmurs in amusement, sipping at her wine as she watches the young woman across from her search the room to see if anyone witnessed what she had just unwrapped. Mary Margaret is so annoyingly goodie two-shoes Regina is surprised she didn't faint at the sight of crotch-less panties. "She's going to think David gave her those," she murmurs, "That was your plan wasn't it?"

"Yep."

Regina hums, swirls her wine around in her glass a little before smirking. "Perhaps I should have bought Graham the willy warmer."

Mal almost chokes on her wine beside her. "Yes, you most certainly should have!"

The brunette chuckles, shaking her head before nodding towards Mal's unopened gift. "What did you get?"

...

Gifts unwrapped and chatter having picked up again, Regina quietly dismisses herself when her wine runs dry. She's had enough festivities for today and she's still very pissed that she didn't get anything.

However, she barely hears the scuffing of the chair opposite her, nor the gentle footprints following her out of the boardroom, until she feels a soft and warm palm on her shoulder. Immediately she tenses, caught off guard, as she spins in the hallway to be met with a frowning Robin.

"What do you want?" she snaps, is reeling with annoyance she didn't know she was holding in. Wow, she really _is_ pissed about the whole present thing.

Robin winces, is perhaps a little taken aback from her tone of voice as he drops his hand and takes a small step back from her. "Regina, I was your Secret Santa," he admits quietly.

Regina's eyes widen and her skin prickles with a familiar anger. _What?!_ How could he humiliate her like that? What has she ever done to this man? Robin was the only man in the office she had nothing much to do with, so what did she ever do to him to deserve this? When Regina opens her mouth to splutter a few more hateful words his way, he cuts in, "I have your gift, but there's a reason I didn't give it to you in front of everyone."

Regina frowns in confusion before she crosses her arms over her chest and raises a brow at the man in front of her. "So that you could embarrass me in front of the entire office's employ?" she supplies but the frown Robin returns tells her that isn't so.

"No," he says softly, "That's the last thing I would have wanted to do."

Regina tuts. "Then why?" she demands, growing impatient.

Robin lifts his hand up to the back of his neck and rubs somewhat awkwardly at the base of it. "Because I thought that the gifts were meant to be gag gifts. And I didn't want you opening yours in front of everyone when Belle told me that wasn't the case."

This piques Regina's interest, and she uncrosses her arms, straightens herself out and shakes her hair behind her shoulders. "Oh? What is it?"

Robin reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out a small, wrapped rectangular-shaped box before handing it over to her. "Open it and see. Just please wait until you're at home."

Regina nods, taking the box from him and sliding it into her own jacket. "As you wish."

"Will you be coming to the party tonight?" he asks then.

"God, no," Regina replies with a bemused chuckle, "I'd like to spend as little time here as possible. I wouldn't _choose_ to socialise with these people on my own accord. No offense."

Robin chuckles, nods understandingly before averting his gaze. "Well, if you change your mind, I'll most probably be by the open bar."

Regina laughs lightly before she leans in close, their faces perhaps a tad closer than they should be, when she whispers, "I wouldn't count on it."

Then, she's turning on her heels and striding towards the elevator, tapping the small box in her blazer pocket. A gag gift, huh? Just what has he bought her?

...

It's snowing when Regina leaves the office and the Christmas lights are on full beam as they guide the cars through the streets in the winter darkness. Regina sighs, pulling up her hood and running as fast as her heels will take her towards the taxi rank. In summer, she would walk home but in this weather her toes would likely develop frostbite before she's even reached her apartment complex.

The taxi man has the heat on full blast when she slides into the back seat and Regina lets out a moan of relief for the sharp change of temperature. "Mifflin Street, please."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Regina leans back against her seat and looks out her window, just in time to catch sight of Robin Locksley jogging out of the office and clambering onto his bike. What is he doing? _Foolish man!_ He will freeze in this weather. "Wait!" Regina calls out before she's even realised the word has left her mouth.

The taxi halts and the driver looks back questioningly.

"One minute," she says, rolling down the window and sticking her head out of it. "Robin! _Robin!_ "

The second calling of his name catches his attention just as he's finished pulling on his helmet.

"Leave that there and get in. You'll freeze to death before you make it home!" she shouts.

Robin frowns, considering the offer a moment before shouting back, "I'd be more discreet if I were you. Surely you wouldn't want our co-workers seeing this act of kindness!"

Regina rolls her eyes and groans. "Well then I suggest you get in before I change my mind."

Robin chuckles before nodding. "Alright! Thanks, milady!" he replies before locking his bike back up and running towards the car. Regina opens the door for him and slides over a seat.

His arm brushes hers as he slips in beside her, and Regina convinces herself that she shivers due to the coldness of his touch and not the contact itself. He _is_ absolutely freezing. However, as her eyes slide up to his face, she chuckles as he closes the door behind him. "You still have your bike helmet on," she murmurs in amusement.

"Oh!" Robin gasps, quickly reaching up to remove it from his head. "Thanks," he adds through a chuckle.

"Where to, mate?" the taxi driver butts in.

"Sherwood Street, please," Robin replies.

 _Huh_. How did Regina not notice that this particularly nice-to-look-at employee lives just two blocks away from her? "Sherwood Street?" Regina repeats as the taxi begins to pull away. "Have you lived there long?"

Robin shakes his head. "About as long as I've had this job, so... around seven months."

Regina nods. "I'm Mifflin Street."

"Ah," Robin replies with a smile, turning his body slightly so he's facing her more, "I have often cycled past you on my way home, always wondered where abouts' you lived. Seems we are closer than we knew."

"It appears so…" she replies, raising a brow. "You know, ever since you gave me your gift it's been burning a hole in my pocket," she admits, patting her breast pocket.

Robin blushes at this and his smile drops, becomes awkward and slightly uncomfortable. "Yes, well, when you open it, I want you to pretend you never knew that it was I who gave it to you."

Regina frowns, reaches into her blazer and pulls out the wrapped box. _What could it be?_ "I'm sure it's not that bad."

"I can assure you it is. In fact, give it back to me now, I will get you something better—" He reaches for the box but Regina snatches it back, holding it up.

"No," she replies, finding this amusing as a small smirk curves her lips, "Now I'm far too intrigued to let you do that."

Robin groans, running a hand down his face.

"Can I open it now?" she asks, slipping her finger beneath the bow.

The man looks at her with wary blue eyes before sighing. "If you must, but only if you understand that I never meant for it to be offensive in any way."

Regina's eyes widen. "Offensive? It's about the size of a pen, Robin."

He sighs. "That it is… just open it and you'll see."

The brunette frowns, suddenly a little concerned about what lies within the box. She tears away the paper and pops open the lid, Robin's eyes burning into the crown of her head as she does so. However, the last thing she expects to see as she peels back the tissue paper is what is presented to her. "Oh my God. Robin, is this what I think it is?" She's blushing, can't help it, as her fingers brush the cold, hard metal.

"Yes," he says timidly.

Regina pulls the gift slowly out from its box before lifting it up between them. "Is this your way of telling me that you don't think I get laid enough?" she murmurs, moving her eyes away from the shiny bullet vibrator to the mortified man in front of her.

"No," he assures before shaking his head, "It's my pathetic attempt of flirting with you."

"Flirting?!" Regina practically chokes, "Oh, Jesus, Robin, I don't think you could have been more to the point if you tried!"

"Well, in my defence, I never thought you would find out it was me…"

The brunette laughs, she can't help it, and oddly, she feels somewhat flattered (and entirely intrigued). "Then it would have been a pretty useless flirting technique," she teases.

Robin smiles awkwardly, sitting back against the seat. "As you can probably tell, it's not exactly my strongest suit."

"Hmm," Regina hums, twirling the gadget in her fingers, "I wouldn't be so sure. Did you give me this in the hopes of… trying it out with me? Or did you simply want to picture me using it?" she asks, peaking up at the man through her lashes. Her bolder side is rearing its head, encouraged by the sight of the sex toy held tightly between her thumb and forefinger.

Robin's eyes widen and then he looks away, down towards his hands in his lap. "Honestly, yes to both," he admits before looking back up at her, "Though, I would like to take you on a date first."

The brunette frowns before warning, "Oh, I don't do dates."

"You don't?"

"No," she chuckles. "I don't do _romance_."

"Oh."

Regina is surprised by the disappointment in Robin's voice and it tugs at her heart in a way that she didn't think it would. "Do _you_?"

He nods. "Yes. I like to woo a woman before I bed her."

 _Ah._ There it is. There's the catch. They want different things. _Very_ different things.

"So you've never had a one-night stand?" Regina asks, placing the vibrator back in its box and closing the lid.

Robin laughs lightly (it's a good sign, she thinks) before he shakes his head. "Of course I have. I've just gotten to the stage in my life where I'm past it."

"Oh." Now it's Regina's turn to blush. She supposes he has a point. She's twenty-nine, nearly thirty, and she is still incredibly alone and in desperate need of a vibrator. At least Robin has given her _that_.

But she can't open her heart to love again. It's been too long… hasn't it?

Yes. Yes, it has.

"I didn't mean—" Robin begins but Regina cuts him off, holding up her hand to stop him.

"I know." She frowns and there's a small beat of silence before she is asking, "Why me, Robin?" She shakes her head. "Surely you know that I am not the warmest of people in the office… If you haven't seen so for yourself, I am sure our colleagues have told you. So, why me?"

He smiles, furrows his brow before tilting his head. "I don't see you like they do. Bold and audacious, yes, but not completely unlike the rest of us. You're good at your job, work hard and don't let people get in your way. I respect that." He leans in, reaches for her hand and lays his on top of hers as he adds, "And you're absolutely stunning."

Regina feels the flush in her cheeks return, she can't help it, nor can she bring herself to draw her fingers from Robin's touch. In fact, she rather likes it. "Really?" she asks. She feels naked, stripped off her walls, her defence mechanism, and she is vulnerable. Even if it is just for a few seconds.

He breathes a laugh, grins and nods. "Yes. Really."

Regina shrugs. "Oh."

"How about this," Robin whispers, scooting closer to her in the seat, "There's a nice little restaurant between my street and yours. We skip the office party together, and grab a bite to eat there. Just a bite to eat. Then, if you still want to, we can try out your little Secret Santa gift afterwards."

Regina considers his offer a minute, eyeing him sceptically in the silence. And, hell, it's Christmas. And she _did_ say she wanted to get to know him, didn't she? Besides, she is _really_ curious as to what this little bullet in her lap can do. Dinner wouldn't hurt, would it?

"Okay," she agrees quietly before straightening her shoulders and assuring, "But because I am hungry. And I haven't defrosted anything from the freezer."

Robin laughs and bites his lower lip before nodding. "Driver, take us to Tavern street."

* * *

 **To be continued...**


End file.
